A month after 911, Kim McGuire, and I left New York City, and settled in Biloxi, Mississippi. We need to regroup, and decide our next move. I had been freelancing as a graphic designer. The tragedy closed the city down. There was no work to be had. Kim was an actor, and an attorney. She was raised in New Orleans, and the family had a small summer cottage, close to the beach. I was adjusting to a completely new way of life. I grew up in New York City, and had spent ten years in Los Angeles. During my period of adjustment, I found three southern rituals, that I found amusing, to a northerner at least. So, I wrote them as skits. Here is one of them.
North/South Does Everything Down Here Have to Be Fried?
N: I just can’t believe it. Today was absolutely the last straw.
S: I’m not sure I want to know, but ok, what’s bugging you now.
N: Well, today in the mail we got this flyer from a fast-food restaurant near the beach I opened it up and there highlighted in the centerfold, on their menu, in living color were deep fried pickles. Pickles! Does everything down here have to be fried?
S: Oh, stop that! You know that’s not true. There are a lot of dishes in the restaurants down here that are not fried. Besides you told me that you like the food down here.
N: Of course, I like the food down here, who wouldn’t? Everything they make tastes great. Unfortunately, I’ve gained twenty pounds since we’ve been here. But that’s really not my point. I mean hasn’t anyone down here ever heard about roasting, baking, or poaching? What I mean is, that even on Thanksgiving, the most sacred of food holidays, where the ritual is that you’re supposed to eat as much as you can for diner, and then eat some more shortly after that, the main course, the symbol of Thanksgiving, the turkey, is fried.
S: I just think that you’re over reacting about all of this. I don’t think all this is as bad as you’re making it out to be.
N: No, it’s very bad, and you know that frying food is not that healthy. Just look at all the cardiologists that have set up their practices down here. They didn’t just set up their practices down here just for their health, and they’re literary making a killing down here. By the way, now that you’ve mentioned it, I noticed that you don’t eat the food down here, in fact I think you lost weight since we’ve been here.
S: That’s not true, I’m still just deciding what to eat. I’m sure some of the food that they serve down here is Heart Healthy. I bet you will be able to find something down here that you would like.
N: Well actually I got very excited last week when our supermarket announced that they were going to start making sushi available.
S: See there you go. What’s healthier than having sushi You’ve got raw fish, rice and seaweed it sounds perfect.
N: It would be perfect but you see the problem is that in order to get the locals to try it, they went ahead, and invented the “Philadelphia Roll”.
S: They did what! What did they do wrap a Philly cheese steak in seaweed?
N: Well not quite that bad. But don’t give them any ideas. No, it’s just like a California roll, except that they substituted the avocado, that wonderful vegetable that’s loaded with all that heart healthy omega 3 for, of all things, Philadelphia cream cheese.
S: Well that really doesn’t sound that bad. Besides there’s that Japanese restaurant in town that just expanded. That’s a really good sign.
N: I know but they didn’t expand the sushi bar, all they added were lots of steak tables. So now they’re busier than ever. I guess all the carnivores will be overjoyed. I bet the deep-fried tempura is also a big seller.
S: I still think it’s not that bad. I think you’ll find something healthy to eat.
N: Well actually I thought that was true the day after Mardi Gras. I opened the newspaper in the morning to the “living Section” and low and behold.
S: Well, what did you see?
N: On the front page of the “living section” there were these two beautiful color photos. The first photo was of this beautiful piece of a rare grilled salmon with just a hint of herbs in a white wine sauce. The other photo was a steamed yellow pepper stuffed with lentils and herbs.
S: That sounds fantastic!
N: Yeah, that’s what I thought at first. I figured that the story was all about Wolfgang Puck, that he was opening a Spago restaurant down here. But when I started reading it wasn’t, and I was really disappointed.
S: I just knew you’d bring your love for California into this. Well common, tell me what the story was about?
N: It was the recipes for Lent. It was about how for the next forty days we’d all have to suffer eating healthy food.
S: You see there is healthy food down here, you just have to wait for the right time of year to get it.
N: Maybe you’re right, let see, maybe I can call this the Lent Diet, I think it could work.
